i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize