I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
