Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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