It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
