how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
In America we eat man semen.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
