She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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