omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You've changed since you got that strap on
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
