theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
