So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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