sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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