Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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