Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
