I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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