do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
