They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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