GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
