Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize