found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
