Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
