You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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