i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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