I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My feet surprised me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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