woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
