its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
