You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
