After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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