i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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