i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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