I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
