O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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