Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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