You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
