I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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