grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
