I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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