Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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