I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
