She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
