Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize