I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
420 ftw
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
3 2 1 whiskey
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
