You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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