ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
