I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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