obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
