I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My bed smells like the plague
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
