Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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