dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
