Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
