New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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