you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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