my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
