I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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