I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
