worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
