she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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