Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
