question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
