The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
