She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have fence marks all over my body
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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