we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
