My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
