I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
