hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
