I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
