Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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