WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
