I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
