Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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