and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
