Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
