If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
