already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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